Sexual Healing and Pleasure

Have you enjoy the pleasure about tantric massage? The tantra is not only about the pleasure , tantra means lots more…

Why study sexuality? Isn’t it just natural? Instinctive?

Yes, in biological terms, sex for procreation is instinctive. But human sexuality is much more: by going beyond sexuality as a physical act and exploring the energetic level of sexuality we can go high in pleasure, deep in love, and moreover discover sexuality as a doorway into expanded consciousness and spiritual experience.


Precisely because it is this doorway, a direct path to experience the divine, and moreover to find the divine within ourselves as we experience oneness, sexuality has been demonized by those religions and their priests that have usurped that position of offering access to god and have exploited the power this position endows. Our birthright of experiencing our connectedness energetically with creation and with our potential as creators has been stolen from us, and the illusion of our separateness created to keep us small, isolated, in fear and therefore manipulable.   We have learned to feel shame around our bodies and our sexual pleasure, to feel guilty about experiencing pleasure, or even to see it often as sinful, for example when exploring the sensations of our own bodies and our capacity for excitement. For over two millennia our culture has been predominantly anti-exstatic and anti-pleasure.

This leaves a huge inheritance of sexual wounding, repressive attitudes and moral judgments to heal, so when we begin our personal sexual healing we are also taking on the healing of the collective. Even our present, post sexual revolution culture cannot conceive of sexuality as a spiritual path, and prefers to associate tantra with orgies.

Post Freudian psychotherapy recognizes different stages of sexuality: ocular, oral, anal and genital. Each stage can be blocked in terms of the healthy development of the individual by our energetically illiterate society, so in the training we revisit each stage to complete that phase, both grounding sexuality into the total life experience of the individual, and integrating these steps into a balanced personality. The ocular stage is complete when the individual feels bonded, at home on this planet as a human with other humans, and fully incarnated in his body. The oral phase becomes complete when the individual feels trust in the universe to meet his needs, not so much in material terms as in supplying experiences that lead to learning and growth. The anal phase is about becoming an individual who can stand on his own feet, enjoy the tension of challenging authority and be in the I – thou relationship. Reich regarded the genital character, with his ability to discharge his tensions, as already healthy, but tantra guides you through two more stages of sexual development: the whole body sexuality, where the sexual energy is spread throughout all the body, creating a defocused, goalless, holistic sexual experience; and energy body sexuality, where the sexual energy leaves the physical level and is experienced primarily in the energy body, creating the possibility of shamanic journeying, ecstatic out of body experiences, and an approach to the world of spirit.

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The energy body is not a concept that is known in our culture, and we have to turn to Tantric and shamanic practices to find out about it. Through suppressing, ignoring and deriding this ancient wisdom, our culture keeps our knowledge limited to the physical-material level of existence. The experience of the energy body’s existence and perceptions turns those mysteries of life – love, sex, how relationships work, health, religion in the sense of connectedness, spirit – into everyday reality that one can clearly perceive, follow, and respond to.

Conventional western sexuality has one goal in mind, that of orgasm. The orgasm is experienced as a pleasurable discharge of energy accompanied by a feeling of relief and relaxation. It lasts on average between 8 and 12 seconds.

Tantra has a different approach. Tantra argues that the experience of orgasm comes from tension, as the expanding sexual energy encounters barriers of tension in the pelvic floor muscle which limit that expansion. The solution to this impasse is the discharge of the energy and the temporary release of the muscular tension as the pelvic floor, the psoas and in men the scrotum go into convulsion. Tantra invites you to relax beforehand, to relax into the energy, so that as it expands it meets no barrier around the sex, and begins to spread into the legs and belly. If the diaphragm is kept relaxed it can flow into the heart, and if the membrane at the base of the skull is relaxed (the jade gate is open as the Taoists say) then the sexual energy meets with consciousness, opening the way for ecstatic experiences. Moreover, the energetic expansion need not stop at the limit of the skin: it can continue into the energy body, nourishing and cultivating our identification with ourselves as a light or energy being.

Without the goal of discharging, our usual ambiguity towards our sexual energy – we want it and at the same time we can’t wait to get rid of it – is resolved, and the sensation of fear or anxiety that is created by the tension in the muscles is healed. The experience becomes one of being in the sexual energy rather than doing something with it. Our sexuality becomes one with our aliveness, with our awakeness, our trembling with the experiences of life. As we go deeper into our sexuality instead of releasing it we discover more nourishment and satisfaction. We become more interested in quality, rather than quantity. Moreover, our sexuality is not expressed merely genitally, but becomes part of our general aliveness, intelligence and creativity in all our contacts.

Step One: the Return to Innocence

  • Understanding the stages of our sexual development – oral, anal, genital, holistic – and allowing our growth to continue where it has been interrupted
  • Healing shame and guilt and learning to love and honour our bodies as the sacred temple of our spirit.
  • Increasing the amount of pleasure in our lives so our base is fullness not neediness, generosity not calculation, so that our sense of self is based not on having boundaries, but rather on our freedom to respond.
  • Learning to take responsibility for our own sexual pleasure rather than be dependent on others.
  • Expanding our sensitivity, our openness and our techniques for receiving and giving pleasure.
  • Connecting sex and heart.

Step Two: sexual healing

  • Healing massage for the genitals, yoni and vajra, to heal old wounds and increase sensitivity and the ability to relax into excitement.
  • Deep pelvic massage to release tension and fear in the first chakra, and establish a base of aliveness and pleasure in one’s life.
  • Recognising and communicating one’s wishes (sexual communication); being in touch with inner reality and with a partner simultaneously.
  • Exploring the dance between the physical body and the energy movements of excitement and expansion, pain and contraction, and letting the pelvis become a vehicle for pleasure.

Step 3: Giving and receiving pleasure.

  • Learning to relax into excitement, and experience sexual pleasure as a state of being, without performance anxiety, goalless, and stressfree.
  • Learning to experience the pleasure potential of the minus poles of our sexuality – the G spot for women and the prostate point for men.
  • Using blended stimulation to experience whole body pleasure and orgasm.
  • Balancing the stimulation of the plus and minus poles of our sexuality to experience prolonged states of pleasure (valley orgasm) and energy body orgasm.
  • Learning to follow energy without preconceptions, letting go of expectations.
  • Healing negative beliefs and claiming pleasure as our birthright.
  • Surrendering to ecstatic energy.
  • Raising the sexual energy into the heart and spirit centres.
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